How to Not Be a Momager
or dadager?
I don’t mean to sound negative, I photograph a TON of kids, and in turn have a TON of parents in the studio. Honestly they are consistently awesome. They prepare, support, and bring laughter and fun. Regardless, I give every mom/dad I meet these three rules because before we step in front of the camera because I don’t know which ones will make the process uncomfortable, and once the bad behavior starts, it’s hard to come back from. From here on I will use the term “mom” to imply WHOMEVER attends a shoot with a child.
The photographer gives the direction, not mom, ever. This is a more gentle way of saying, “Shhh.” What trips up even the most well-intentioned moms, is that sometimes their kids don’t listen perfectly to me, and parents naturally want their kids to be good direction-followers. Before this can even be a problem I tell parents specifically, “Your kids won’t do everything I tell them to do perfectly, and that is A-OK. Even when I tell Susie to turn left, and she doesn’t turn left, don’t step in. She and I are both learning to communicate.”
Give your kiddo a break between shots. This can be several things. One thing I noticed some years ago is that as soon as the photographer calls “wrap”, moms jump in with 1000 questions. Mostly well-meaning and trying to see if the kiddo is enjoying themselves. This can exhaust kids and set them in a cycle of negativity. If the kid wants to share let them share, if they need a mental time-out, don’t bombard them. At their worst, some moms will sneak their kids off or go with them to the dressing room to give secret feedback. I can hear mom saying “I saw that you weren’t —————- “ whatever, and the kids come back out worse than they came in. In the end, I don’t need your help really unless I ask for it. Just let me do my job - I’m really good at getting what I need.
Never laugh at your kid. EVEN WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS LAUGHING. This one might be the hardest. I want your kiddo to feel comfortable, silly, fun, happy. If they think someone, anyone, is judging them they will immediately collapse. Laughter from mom off-set is like a distraction laser. So even if I’m having them stand on their head and recite the ABCs…. Shhh. Even when me and the stylists and the other kids on set are all cracking up… shhh. I need that from you so your kiddo feels safe and confident.
I hope this helps! If it does you might head over to my YOUTUBE channel where you’ll find some more content about photographing kiddos.